Deeply concerning thoughts and a host of emotions lead me to the hope that “something as simple as rock & roll will save us all.”

“Smile, laugh, keep it together,” I’m telling myself earlier this morning, as I sat with my wife at our youngest daughter’s Kindergarten graduation (a concept I would have probably scoffed at before I became the proud parent of two Kindergarten graduates, thank you). She and her fellow Kindergarteners are animatedly belting their way through a couple of cute songs they’ve rehearsed for this glorious occasion, and as I survey the packed gymnasium around me there’s hardly a person who isn’t paying rapt attention to the chorus of tiny-but-powerful voices. There’s a little boy the row ahead of us who apparently hasn’t taken note of the all-star ensemble performance that puts “We Are The World” to shame in my books, and he’s cheerily letting his pops know that his pouch of snacks is now fully depleted. But apart from that, we’re all eyes on these tiny humans at the front of this sacred venue.

There’s nothing in the world that sounds quite like a loosely-congealed Kindergarten choir, a cacophony of similar-sounding little voices that use excitement, joy and innocence to make up whatever it is they may lack in tune, tone or pitch. It’s a bit hard to understand exactly what they’re saying, but it sounds optimistic as hell and I’m here for all it, the vague references to “living their dreams” and “small but strong” and other important concepts like those. My heart is so full of love for my daughter right now that I’m almost sure you could centrifuge it directly out of my blood and concentrate it into a vial, physical proof that love not only exists but is an earthly substance to boot. Call it the new number one element on the periodic table.

I’m also trying incredibly hard not to cry.

I don’t often bawl much anymore, for whatever reason(s), but stuff like this, these deeply impactful moments full of reflection…this stuff gets me right in the damn feels. It’s not just the fact that my baby girl is growing up right before my own increasingly-water-filled eyes, but it’s also because the cynical, pessimistic, always-worrying side of my brain is also seated for this presentation. That side of my brain, let’s call it “The Flip Side”, is reminding me of my own very real mortality, the fact that I inevitably won’t get to ever spend as many years with my daughters as they or I would want. It reminds me of the fact that the state of the world that my wife and I have brought them into seems to be in a rapid decay that defies any hope of meaningful repair, something we admittedly gave very little thought to until after we’d had them.

I know, I know, I’ve been told plenty of times “Kyle, you just can’t think like that in these moments, you’ve got to just enjoy the moment and go be a proud parent!” And to be sure, I’m not saying that’s a bad way to look at things; hell, I wish I could! But the fact is, the state of the world is kind of alarming right now and regardless of whatever your leanings or beliefs towards any of it may be, you’ve got to admit that things don’t exactly look promising at the moment. And that’s the world we’re preparing to send this children off into.

Pretty sure I warned you on the front page that I’m a habitual over-thinker.

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“Kindergarten” basically translates to “child garden” in German, an unusually beautiful and poetic way to describe what the Kindergarten experience is supposed to be and should be in a language not normally noted for being either of those things. Apparently the term dates all the way back to 1840, thanks to the creator of the very first Kindergarten, Friedrich Froebel. “Children are like tiny flowers; they are varied and need care, but each is beautiful alone and glorious when seen in the community of peers.”

Damnit, I really think I’m about to cry now, Right-In-The-Feels Fred got me good with that quote.

So if Kindergarten is the soil in which we transplant our little seedlings with the hope that they learn and grow under the nurturing care and tutelage of their teachers (so exceedingly important that they should be considered prized national assets), then how can we best help feed and water those efforts so that they don’t shrivel and dry up? Well, as I once explained to good friend of mine who happens to not be a parent, having kids is my opportunity and obligation to “put two more good people and two less assholes into the world.“

Callus as that may sound, it’s the truth. While I’ve never been a saint and never will be, having kids has forced me to reevaluate how I deal with people in life, particularly those who I have or still do find myself in conflict with and how at least trying to be more kind and understanding ultimately helps manage or resolve those situations moreso than simply fanning the flames of the fight. Indeed, of all the emotional, academic and behavioral nutrients you can instill in your children as they prepare to tackle their first years of school, “kindness” must surely rank as the most top-shelf of all metaphorical Miracle-Gro options.

To be sure, the threat of nuclear war and the pains of civil strife aren’t going to erase themselves from the human experience overnight even if everyone in the world suddenly decided to make an effort to be a bit more kind to each other, but surely as we usher our children into the school years of their lives we would all be well-served to make an effort to encourage them to be more kind to each other (ideally led by an example set by we adults!).

As my daughters progress through their school years, especially with my oldest quickly approaching the volatile teenage experience, I find myself all too aware of the ever-present threat of bullying and outright mean-ness that some children bring to school with them for whatever reason. These threats have manifested themselves not just in the flesh but also across electronic devices and mediums, a fact that many of us in our 40’s or older might not have had to deal with during our school careers. Like virtually anyone, I had tormenters of my own that I dreaded encounters with at school but I never felt like they could reach out and harm me via a phone or computer back then; however, that sort of invisible wall of security crumbled many years ago and kids today run the risk of harassment and bullying simply by having access to a phone, tablet or computer.

Child suicide rates in the United States have skyrocketed since my wife and I graduated high school and joined the real world, up more than 60% in the time between 2007 and 2021. To be sure, there’s a seemingly un-ending list of reasons that has contributed to this staggeringly tragic figure but one of the root causes surely must be the simple fact that we’ve somehow forgotten how to be at least reasonably kind to each other, one of the basic behavioral cornerstones of an “advanced” society. Statistics like these are terrifying to behold, and it is no secret that a great deal of the causation behind these numbers has to do with kids bullying other kids. Where did they learn this behavior? Why in the hell are they acting like this to each other? What can we do to not only reduce the amount of bullying kids are engaging in but also build kids up to be more resistant to it as well?

I for one believe it has to start with us as parents taking a seriously long look at ourselves in the mirror and asking how we would feel if one of our own children took their own life, or if one of our own children caused another child to commit that act. Is that seriously something we want? Of course not. So what are we doing to prevent it?

David Brooks, columnist for The Atlantic, wrote in a September 2023 piece entitled “How America Got Mean” that “We don’t treat each other well because we haven’t taught young people for several generations how to be considerate to each other in the small circumstances of life, how to sit with somebody who’s suffering from depression, how to disagree well.” And while I might not universally agree with everything I’ve seen Mr. Brooks publish, I very much think he’s onto something here.

I can’t claim to understand all of the overarching reasons that have contributed to this alarming trend over the last several decades. Did it start with America’s turbulent decade in the 1960’s that resulted in unprecedented (and in many ways, justifiable) distrust of the government among the citizenry? Was it encouraged by the continual erosion of the middle class as the gaps between the “have too much” and the “haven’t enough” groups widened thanks in part to the flawed theory of “trickle-down economics”? Perhaps it was all amplified by the fertile grounds for extremism, disinformation and propaganda that the internet quickly became?

Yes? Maybe? I don’t know? Any of those answers could work, probably.

What I do know for certain is that your run-of-the-mill goober like yours truly isn’t capable of understanding, digesting, or communicating so many of the big-picture issues that have perhaps contributed to the way things are now. But be you a devoutly religious believer, a fiercely secular humanist or some combination in between or off to the side of either, it has to be said that making a conscious change in your own small slice of the universe to simply be more kind (both to yourself and those around you) has to help things more than it can hurt.

And especially for those of us raising children in the world, the efforts and the changes HAVE to start with us and how we are raising our offspring, for they are the ones who will have to navigate the increasingly uncertain future that our generation and those before us have ushered them into, completely without their permission and certainly without enough care for what that future will look like and the innumerable challenges it will present.

For me though, as a parent, my goal is to continually guide my girls to operate with the mindset that they must constantly engage with the world around them, and always do so with a baseline of respectful behavior. Holding doors open for others, saying “excuse me” when they have to walk in front of someone, using words like “please” and “thank you“. As a country that so frequently touts “The Golden Rule” and claims to be “the greatest nation in the world”, then why do we seem to have all but abandoned these simple constructs and the idea that we might expect our kids to learn from our good example and practice them as well?

Perhaps one place we as parents could start is making sure that we continually make efforts to step outside our own beliefs and preconceptions and engage with people with different views, beliefs, backgrounds and experiences than our own in hopes of broadening our own horizons. I don’t care if that means having a coffee or a beer with someone who votes differently than you, sees differently on topics like national defense or universal healthcare differently than you, or thinks that The Beatles were a better rock band than The Who (which of course they’re completely wrong about, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth talking to them about or debating with them over!) Perhaps one of the greatest lessons we all need to be reminded of is that it’s OK to disagree with those around us, but that it can also be done with grace and humanity and tolerance.

That Beatles hardliner doesn’t deserve a punch in the face from me just because they’re wrong about the fact that “Baba O’Riley” is a better song than “Here Comes The Sun“. And just the same goes for my friend who votes differently than me sometimes, or for Raiders fans, or for drivers who think belching black diesel smoke on their fellow motorists is cool (OK, maybe they deserve a pop in the kisser more than the other examples, but then again if they simply acted a bit more kind there wouldn’t even be an issue would there?)

Hell, maybe the sharing of and the inevitable debating and discussing of music is the starting point for all of these little changes I’m suggesting we’d all be better off trying to make in our lives as parents. I know for my children and I, music is something we’re incredibly passionate about and we’ve bonded over our shared love for it. There’s a lot to be said for the positive messages that many musical artists across many different styles have on offer, if only we’re willing to listen.

English singer/songwriter Frank Turner penned a pragmatic, emotive song years before the global COVID-19 pandemic (inarguably a watershed mark on the timeline of American’s forgoing their humanity) entitled “Be More Kind“; and while the content of the song might seem easily dismissed as the overly-optimistic ramblings of an out-of-touch musician, I would caution my readers to not make that mistake. In a catalog of brilliantly poignant songs and worthwhile lyrics, “Be More Kind” stands out like a shining lighthouse in the storm with its evocatively important words.

Equally important as it is less-refined than the poetic “Be More Kind“, is the golden rule of any Frank Turner concert, one his devotees should be more than familiar with: “Don’t be a dickhead.” That about encompasses everything that concertgoers should expect from themselves and the people around them, and I’m happy to report that in my near-decade of attending Frank Turner shows (with one or both of my daughters in attendance on many occasions), I’ve seen virtually unyielding adherence to that rule by the folks around me. In fact, some of the sweetest, most nourishing, dare I say kindest experiences I’ve ever had at a concert (or with strangers around me in public, period) have come at Frank Turner shows.

So maybe he’s onto something with these words that we as parents and by extension our children should work harder by the day to to live up to:

“Be more kind, and don’t be a dickhead.”